Skeleton Replaces Copenhagen’s Little Mermaid

• “Copenhagen will be deprived of its Little Mermaid for six months, and we thought we should replace it. It’s April Fools, after all!” Hanne Strager, the head of exhibitions at the Natural History Museum of Denmark, told AFP.
  The replacement — which even had a skeleton fish tail — was placed in the same position as the Little Mermaid and sat in her vacant spot for two hours, to the delight of tourists.

How symbolic of the European (and world) economic state.

• EDMONTON - God confesses to be a convicted criminal who spent five years in prison for trying to smuggle a suitcase of marijuana into Japan.
• He also lives in Edmonton, and, thank God for name changes.
• A college student formerly known as John Paul LaPointe fought the Alberta government to have his moniker changed to God Dieux - and won.

I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about pooping (online and offline), and only a couple of years ago did I realize the method to the perfect poop. It’s quite counter-intuitive at first (especially looking at some of the FFFFUUUUU poops), but once you try it, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

1. You sit down without spreading the buttchecks. If you have a tad extra booty, then spread just a tad, but not too much.

2. Sit up straight like your mother taught you and lean back a bit so you’re almost at a 90* angle.

3. Poop without straining yourself to push. Use the inner muscles to slowly ease it onwards on its journey out if you can, otherwise give it a gentle push at most and it should come out on its own time.

4. Try wiping. Once you get onto expert mode, you’ll be able to poop without needing to wipe if you have a normal consistency. Usually you’ll only have one or two wipes until you get the hang of it. If you have a wet poop, then this method also results in minimal splatter.

Congratulations, you have now performed the “King Edward/Queen Elizabeth”! If you wish, while doing step #3, you may raise your hand as if you are holding a goblet and shout out for more wine.

Enjoy.

‘Operation Titstorm’ a Success

• Several Australian government websites were slowly recovering Wednesday hours after the online prankster group, Anonymous, unleashed a massive distributed denial-of-service attack to protest the country’s evolution toward internet censorship.
• The group, which has brought down Scientology’s websites and undertaken a host of other online pranks, dubbed the attack “Operation Titstorm” to protest the government’s move to require the filtering of pornography hosting adult actors if they appeared under age. Other violent material targeting children is also to be censored.
• Anonymous, whose past targets include uncool virtual worlds, an epilepsy message board and a Neo-Nazi webcaster,  sent Australian media e-mail messages warning of the attack, the Sydney Morning Herald said.
• “No government should have the right to refuse its citizens access to information solely because they perceive it to be unwanted,” the e-mail said. “The Australian government will learn that one does not mess with our porn. No one messes with our access to perfectly legal (or illegal) content for any reason.”
• At one point Thursday, Parliament’s website was felled after getting 7.5 million hits a second. Usually, it receives a few hundred a second.
• Flyers seeking recruits for Wednesday’s barrage said the group would follow the service attack with “a shitstorm of porn email, fax spam, black faxes and prank phone calls to government offices….”

from the hilarious: A Basic Introduction to Singularity Skepticism

• It should be clear to everyone on here that some time in the near future the ever accelerating pace of technological development will inevitably lead us all to become giant pink heads floating in space, or something. The singularity is on its way, and once it has arrived we will break out of the present as if by magic and finally inhabit the future we could never quite catch up with. However it turns out that some people don’t get this idea at all and keep trying to find fault with it, even after you concede that they will probably get to pick their own colours for their floating space heads.
• This is going to be a basic rundown of singularity skeptics arguments, just an overview as there is no way I can document the long, in-depth fights nerds have about this stuff. If you’re looking for hard core material and discussion, look away.
• If you’re completely unfamiliar with the concept of the singularity there are  several videos around you can watch on the subject. Most will involve the incredibly talented and famous pill muncher Ray Kurzweil showing off his charts at great length. For those of you who don’t have a few hours available to listen to Mr. Kurzweil speak I have made this convenient summary of most of his talks…[above]

some of my favorites:

• 992: Good Friday coincided with the Feast of the Annunciation; this had long been believed to be the event that would bring forth the Antichrist, and thus the end-times events foretold in the book of Revelation. Records from Germany report that a new sun rose in the north and that as many as 3 suns and 3 moons were fighting. There does not appear to be independent verification of this remarkable event.
• 1000-JAN-1: Many Christians in Europe had predicted the end of the world on this date. As the date approached, Christian armies waged war against some of the Pagan countries in Northern Europe. The motivation was to convert them all to Christianity, by force if necessary, before Christ returned in the year 1000. Meanwhile, some Christians had given their possessions to the Church in anticipation of the end. Fortunately, the level of education was so low that many citizens were unaware of the year. They did not know enough to be afraid. Otherwise, the panic might have been far worse than it was. Unfortunately, when Jesus did not appear, the church did not return the gifts. Serious criticism of the Church followed. The Church reacted by exterminating some heretics. Agitation settled down quickly, as it later did in the year 2000.
• 1000-MAY: The body of Charlemagne was disinterred on Pentecost. A legend had arisen that an emperor would rise from his sleep to fight the Antichrist.
• 1284: Pope Innocent III computed this date by adding 666 years onto the date the Islam was founded.
• 1346 and later: The black plague spread across Europe, killing one third of the population. This was seen as the prelude to an immediate end of the world. Unfortunately, the Christians had previously killed a many of the cats, fearing that they might be familiars of Witches. The fewer the cats, the more the rats. It was the rat fleas that spread the black plague.
• 1524: Many astrologers predicted the imminent end of the world due to a world wide flood. They obviously had not read the Genesis story of the rainbow.
• 1844-OCT-22: When Jesus did not return, William Miller predicted this new date. In an event which is now called “The Great Disappointment,” many Christians sold their property and possessions, quit their jobs and prepared themselves for the second coming. Nothing happened; the day came and went without incident.
• 1919: Meteorologist Albert Porta predicted that the conjunction of 6 planets would generate a magnetic current that would cause the sun to explode and engulf the earth on DEC-17.

• COPENHAGEN (AFP) - Prostitutes of a Danish sex workers association will offer their services for free to delegates of the UN climate summit in Copenhagen, an association official told AFP Saturday.
• Susanne Moeller said the move was meant to protest an anti-prostitution initiative undertaken by Copenhagen city hall.
• The city, host of the December 7-18 UN climate summit, distributed postcards in Copenhagen’s hotels that said “Be sustainable: Don’t buy sex.” It also sent letters to hotel managers inviting them to take measures to avoid prostitutes meeting clients in their establishments.
• The prostitutes, whose work is not illegal in Denmark, promptly reacted to the move.
• “All delegates who come to Copenhagen for the world climate summit will be able to use the postcards for payment after making a request on our website,” Moeller, of the Danish association for the defense of sex workers, said.

Cluck of a find: Chicken filled with cocaine

• STERLING, Va. - A close inspection by Customs and Border Protection officers at Dulles International Airport turned up something unexpected. Inside a fully-cooked chicken they found cocaine with an estimated street value of $4,300.
• The 60.4 grams (2.3 ounces) of coke was found inside two small, clear plastic bags inside the chicken’s cavity.

earthmancomehome:

Fox News’ 193% piechart is probably technically correct in some way. This doesn’t stop it being WRONG. [via]

shadowfirebird:

‘A British man on the run from police sent a picture of himself to his local paper because he disliked the mugshot they had printed of him as part of a public appeal to track him down.’

Oh, so that’s how it really happened.

theresistance:(via nipresa:theblackmonk)via www.slowpokecomics.com

Bush Headlining ‘Motivational Mega Show’ With ‘Inspirational Firepower’

• Former President George W. Bush has got a whole new gang. Goodbye, Condi, Cheney and Rumsfeld. Hello, Terry Bradshaw, Zig Ziglar and Rudy Giuliani.
• Bradshaw, Ziglar and Giuliani are among the other featured speakers at an Oct. 26 “Get Motivated!” business seminar in Fort Worth, TX, where the former president will be the “special guest speaker.” That won’t be Bush’s only Get Motivated appearance. See the full image promoting his Dec. 2 seminar here.

(Grade A Silliness)

Headbanging while making fire

you gotta try it…